Are We Living Life in the Oblivion?

We’re always contemplating…more on the pessimistic side and in the same flow we forget the life’s short and the experiences it has to offer to us are unlimited.

So you think to yourself… What’s the point in trying to meet someone new and amazing, I’ll just be moving soon. Why bother getting that little arts and crafts corner set up in my current place, I may have to box it all up. Why bother taking that class, joining that group or making new friends, I’ll just be on the go and away from it all.

The point is that life is precious and way too short to waste in unwavering thoughts.
Oblivion is also the birthplace of unfulfillment, depression, frustration, isolation and general “meh”-ness. When you allow yourself to enter the mental space of oblivion, you effectively put living, loving, dreaming, scheming, playing, connecting and whatever other wonderful-ing thing you want and desire on hold.

You put life on hold.

And when life is on hold, it slips by fast — opportunities go unclaimed, amazing love remains undiscovered, friends, laughter, adventures and happiness fade away before you even experience them. All because you’re waiting for something that’s going to happen “soon.”
Your “soon” may be two weeks, two years or two months. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you deserve an amazing, joy-filled life with phenomenal people in it.

It’s so easy to get lost in your own head.…I do it all the time.

Sometimes, when I’m in a meeting and a colleague is talking, I know I should be listening, but instead, I’m thinking about something my mom said to me the night before, or what I’m planning to eat for lunch, or when I’m going to schedule that lunch/meeting with my friends, or daydreaming about 6pm when I bust out those doors and can do whatever I want.

Then suddenly, I realize four people are staring at me, waiting for a response to a question I didn’t hear. And never mind the question — I missed the entire 5 to 10-minute discussion leading up to it.

“Sorry guys, I was off in another dimension for a bit there…can we start over?”

And therein lies the problem — we all exist in the present moment but we are rarely aware of it.

What’s Going On?

I don’t think I’m alone when I say that my mind is easily distracted and disoriented. I frequently disengage from the physical world and get lost in my head — agonizing over past events and dreading future problems.

It’s SO INCREDIBLY EASY to get lost. If not careful, one passing thought drags me along for a ride, stopping at all his thought-friends on the way and down a rabbit hole that I never intended to explore.

Meanwhile, life is happening all around me, except I don’t notice because I’m on a different planet in my mind.
To put it simply, I’m anywhere but present. I call this phenomenon living in the oblivion.
It’s akin to the feeling you get when you’re texting a girl (or boy) and she’s responding in rapid-fire succession. But then you ask her out on a date, and she doesn’t respond for over an hour.

What’s she gonna say? Is she ghosting me? Why is she taking so long to answer?

That feeling sucks. She may say yes, or she may say no, OR she may say nothing at all — you’re stuck waiting it out. This is what living in limbo feels like. All day your mind ping-pongs between the past and future but never engages in the present.

What’s the big deal?

The mental oblivion can be a treacherous place.
Have you ever zoned out while driving? Sure you have — no need to lie. We ALL have. Driving down the road like a zombie lost in thought, miles passing by with no recollection.

“Did I really take the wrong turn and drive for several kilometers without noticing? What the eff…”

Yep, you sure did.
You’re obviously there but lost in your own head, not fully engaged in what’s going on. Terrifying.

Fortunately, my mind has an auto-pilot feature. Unfortunately, anything goes while that’s in operation…and I usually don’t remember squat.

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to spend less time in my head and more time in the real world. Plus, it would be really nice not to misplace my phone for the fifth time today.

Thoughts Aside, What About How You Feel?

Being lost in your head isn’t the only symptom of living in oblivion— how it makes you feel is a real problem, too.

Imagine you’re at a concert, drinking and having a good time with your best buds. Feeling = happy.

Then, the musician on-stage starts playing a song that triggers a painful memory. It’s a song you and your ex used to listen to…at least until he cheated on you with your roommate. Feeling = pissed off.

Randomly, a thought pops into your head about a work project due tomorrow. The concert is awesome and all, but now there’s a legitimate chance you might miss your deadline. Feeling = stressed to the max.

Only the concert is happening in real time — the rest is in your head — but now you have all these mixed emotions swirling about. You can guess how confused your body might be.

Should it feel happy?

Should it feel angry?

Should it feel stressed out?

The conflicting signals from your brain prove to be a dilemma. Have you ever seen those old-fashioned death sentences where a man is tied to multiple horses, then they all run off in different directions?

That’s how your body feels stressed out and develops a void.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster — thoughts bouncing back and forth in your head so fast that your body doesn’t know to translate them into physical feelings. Instead of happiness or sadness or anger…you begin to feel anxious.

This is the worst part of limbo. We’re all running around like a bunch of anxious fucks due to the fact that we’re anywhere but present.

However, there is a way to escape.

So how do you stop living in the oblivion?

Start living in the moment.

One of the most transformational lessons I’ve learned in my life thus far is how to live in this exact moment, rather than getting lost in the mess of thoughts, negative chatter, worry, fear or drama in my head.

Think about it for a moment. Instead of putting yourself out there, falling in love, making amazing friends, having fun and exciting life experiences, you’re probably sitting at home or work thinking about how you’d love to be doing those things, but can’t, since you have this change happening “soon.”

Here’s the truth, you can have those things. So what if you’re only here for two more months? Get yourself out there and do all the things you want to do! Date (maybe even fall in love), meet new people (find the bestie you’ve always dreamed of), take that art class (so you’ll miss the final show… at least you’ll have made some art)!

Start showing up to every moment of every single day fully present and engaged in what you’re doing or who you’re with. Stop thinking about how things “have to be” because of something happening later. Be here now for this moment and have the most amazing experience you can.

Stop being afraid of what you can’t control or foresee.

Unless you’re some kind of amazing psychic, you don’t know what’s going to happen with anything, so stop assuming that you do.

Mindfulness, like in a video game, is a trait that you can level up over the course of your life. Every time you practice being present, you get a little bit better at it. Before long, you’re rarely misplacing your phone, losing your keys, or forgetting why you walked into the kitchen.
Being more present — more mindful — is something we should all aim to achieve. The oblivion, with all the thoughts and feelings that accompany it, is not where I intend to live most of my days. I want to enjoy every moment I have while I’m here, and so far I haven’t been the best at that…but I’m getting better.

Who knows how much longer each of us have, you know?