Never gonna peak #27

I think these are crazy times (too optimistic a start for a change, let’s go back a bit?)

I think the lives we lead and the times we’ve had are straight-up crazy. For real, it is a miracle we’re even alive. When I say we, I mean each one of us, irrespective of which corner of the world we find ourselves in, and which period of our lives we’re found to be living.

We know that none of us would have made it this far without the people that have graced our lives, and stayed through all of the shit and giggles. Of course, there were a few that walked all over us in the process, stomped all over our hearts, letting it shatter into a million pieces while we were left ailing, trying to pick up the pieces. To those, I really do not have much to say, but I do hope it is not out of your internal complexes and absolute personal misery. However they’re not the focus of my story, the focus of my story is you and me, and people like us, and it will always be us.

It is about those of you that have done their best to be a friend to me, and to those who’ve hung around, even when it might have been hardest to do so. It is about those of you who’ve learnt not to project your bullshit and demons onto others. It is about those of you that show up because more often than not, that is the best we can do. It is for those of you who come through, and even for those that at least try.

A lot of us have been brought up with the notion that not giving a fuck is cool, but this is 2K20 and we’re doing a little more than bare minimum existence. We are raging to be our best and to do better. Empathy is precious and so are people that we have around us. Do you bit, and keep them content and contained in blankets abundant with warmth and the most wholesome kind of love. Tell them everyday how much they mean to you, or remember to leave it scribbled across little notes that they can find while going about their lives. Call them (Call!), check up on them, and show up with some warm (preferably hot & sour soup) on sick days (if you can). Because people are more than just skin, bones and purpose waiting to be spent, sometimes the only purpose is to hold onto everything and everyone together, like fluid, stubborn glue.

You might also think it’s funny that I’m saying any of this. I have been accused of detaching extremely quickly from people, but the truth is I am hard, in the sense that I find it extremely difficult to forgive and even harder to forget. When I make friends/build relations, or have friends, or meet friends (let’s say meet because I honestly do not remember ever actively going out with a torchlight in search of friends) I allow them all the privileges, no holds barred access to my heart, my home and the little piece of me that allows emotions. And hearts can only hold so much hurt, hurt is all consuming, it eats you up and makes you spiral into a web of doubt and gloom. My coping mechanism is to detach from the hurt with immediate effect and the people responsible for it. I instead choose to let my heart bloom, in the company of those that do care, and still know how to love and show it in their own little ways. Believe it or not, I think it’s a tad bit healthier than suffering alone, repressing memories and never letting it get back up again, which to my surprise seems to be the winner in the popular coping mechanism category.

That said, there are so many people still living their lives with absolute detachment and unbeatable boredom. Fools don’t get the ways of this new age post-human world, must have missed the memo. The modern man (apparently) has no ego, so sure, you might have had a few people who never thought of you as a great friend/person/significant other amongst many other roles. That is also okay, it only means that you should love the people whom you have now, more fiercely, with all your love, might and muscle. It does not mean you’re not capable of better friendships and deeper bonds, it is just waiting for you to happen.

Irrespective of how loved you once were or weren’t, irrespective of how much you can give or cannot, just do your best to give love, spread love and become love. And before you know it, all of this love will find its way back to you, in the form of a few complete human beings trying their best to make you feel like the star that you are, in their own stupid, annoying, imperfect ways, the best they know how. And you know you’re already grateful for all that you have and for everything that will eventually find its way to you.

-Kay

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I hope this finds you while you’re already under a blanket and scooping up the last few spoons of salted caramel ice cream, feeling the full force of fall and all the love around you.

Happy Reading. Hugs.